When to Divorce a Narcissist? Once Your Full Armor is On!

Yesterday, I read a Squidoo article by Joy Marcellin titled "When to Divorce -- After You've Created a Secret Divorce Plan."  I wanted to give it a quick review here--for every woman who, like me, was eager for the fastest divorce possible.  The stress level is so high when you are married to a man with Narcissistic Personality Disorder that "the easiest divorce" truly does seem synonymous with "the fastest divorce."


But the thing is, if you jump the gun on when to divorce, you're toast, baby (as Joy so elegantly puts it).  These people actually draw energy from conflict--and, in the endless cycle of idealizing and devaluing those who are trapped in their lives, you will find yourself in a living hell.


When to divorce?  As Joy stresses, the time is most definitely NOT right this moment.  There is a ton of prep work to do before you wipe that adoring-wife smile from your face.  (Yes, part of her advice is to play the role of the sweet little wife.  Good advice--I can testify that that approach allowed me to plan in peace when to divorce.  Even though I initially wanted the fastest divorce humanly possible, I ended up appreciating the peaceful planning stage.  It was a gift I gave myself.)


I like Joy's witty little summary statements about "the easiest divorce."  Honey, bottom line is...the easiest divorce is the SMARTEST divorce.  And smart divorces take time to plan.

What do you need to have in place as you make the agonizing decision of when to divorce?

1.  secrecy

2.  full knowledge of your and your husband's finances

3.  a placated, ego-fed narcississt

4.  a secret cash stash

5.  continued unemployed status (if you have been a stay-at-home mom)


Will following these measure help you know when to divorce?  No, not exactly.  But the reasoning behind Joy's article is that, the more empowered you make yourself, the easier it will be to determine that moment of when to divorce.


I like that she is honest with her readers.  No short-term gratification allowed here in the "when to divorce" decision, she is saying  Don't run after the easiest divorce possible, and don't pine away for the fastest divorce.  You didn't get into this hole overnight, and it'll take time and smarts to hoist yourself out of it.

When to divorce?  When YOU are good and ready.  Really ready...with cash, papers, good spousal support positioning, and all relevant financial data.  If you want a more detailed outline and dozens of resourceful ideas for socking money away, check out the following ebook on when to divorce an emotionally abusive husband.